Positive Blog

It's amazing what a little bit of alone time can do for you. I've been resting for a few days because I sprained my knee on Sunday. I've had a day and a half to just think. Usually, thinking gets me stuck in a bad place but I've been able to turn that around. I'm just going to write and a lot of this will seemingly be random thoughts. I am doing this for me.

First thought: Wale
Wale is my favorite musical artist and he has been for quite some time. He's a rapper but he isn't just any rapper. I listen to music on the radio and just other artists on my iPod and there is so much repetition in music today. Everything on the radio is made up of 10 lines of music and 5 of those lines get repeated like 75 times in a song. And then they win awards. Other rappers I listen to are constantly sampling from other artists before their time. And that's cool, whatever but I think it lacks talent. I've also noticed that all of these rappers on the radio rap about the same shit. So many similar lines and you listen and you're like, "wait a second, didn't so and so say that in his song?" Now, i'm not an expert on music by any means BUT I know who is real and who is lacking talent. I won't get into who is who but I will say that Wale is by far one of the best rappers I've ever heard. He's constantly pushing us to do big things. TO GO OUT AND GET WHAT WE WANT. My first morning back to school and it was early and I listed to his "The Gifted" album all the way to school. I actually listened and really felt the music for the first time in a long time. He gave me that jump on the rest of the day. He is my motivation. He seems respectful and genuine and I love his shoes. He is ALWAYS wearing some cool shoes. And if anyone really knows me, they know I love awesome shoes. He's just... he's got it. I have more respect for him than I do any other musical artist or movie star out there. He loves rapping. He does it for the love of music. Not for money or fame. And that is rare in today's society.

Second thought: Maturity
I've come to realize that my jealousy is going away. I can be a jealous person at times and I hate it. All I can do is realize it and fix it. I know many people who are in great relationships and I used to get jealous of things like that. But today, I can proudly say that I'm not jealous of others in relationships. I'm so happy for many of my friends in relationships. I know not all of them will end up together but they all seem very happy. I've had my fair share of rough relationships (not all of them sucked) and I've wanted to give up on love. I've wanted to throw in the towel on the whole shebang and honestly, at this point in my life-- I don't even want a relationship. Okay, that's kind of a lie. Yes, I do. But the biggest thing for me is being okay with who I am as a person. I'm okay with being alone. Yeah, it gets hard sometimes but these couples give me hope. I think some people are meant to be alone and others have a someone out there waiting for them. I have no idea which group I fall into but it's a big world and I'm not that worried about it at this point.

Third thought: Finding self vs. Creating self
I heard a quote the other day and it said something like, "It's impossible to find your self because you have to create it." or something like that. Either way, it stopped me and got me thinking. I definitely believe that you have to create your self. Take what you want from the world and those around you and  build on what you believe in. You may not even believe in anything anyone is doing around you. You have to create your self. Your own image and who you are. No one else has the right to create you. You build your own self. You find out who you are through the struggles and through the things that make you happy. But everyone knows this already. I went out into the world today and was constantly asking myself, "Why do you care what this stranger thinks? They don't know you. They don't know your story and you don't know theirs." It was just another day but in my head, gears were switching course.

I guess I'm just really content with who I am on the outside. Still working on the inside but the outside, meh. I've been living by this for quite some time. I've convinced myself that if I ever do find someone, they aren't going to fall in love with my looks. My physical appearance. I don't need to impress someone with my clothes or my hair. I don't want to. I'm too lazy for all that. I'd rather hang out in sweatpants and a hoodie than have to wear jeans around someone all the time. I want to be me, 100%. I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. And I'm pretty good at finding my flaws but I'm okay with my flaws. I'm okay not being the prettiest girl in the world. I'm okay with everything that I'm not. I'm still working on finding the things I love about myself. Some days are easier than others. I've got a lot to work on but at the end of the day, I have to take care of number 1 and number 2. 1 being me and number 2 being my cat. ;)

Fourth thought: Answers
Let me be vague for a second:
I'm just going to say that I'm over it and yet, I'm not over it at all (and something is telling me that I never will be). I haven't found the answer as to why and I most likely never will. It's okay to not have all the answers. It is what it is and I just have to learn to live my life and work around it.

Last thought: Happiness
I just found this and it was one of the coolest things I've read. Just read it. Click me!
These are the 10 truths you will learn before you find happiness:

1. It's impossible for anyone else to define YOU.
2. You were born with everything you need.
3. Perfection is a man-made illusion.
**4. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS.
5. Your beliefs can be modified to lift you up.
6. The past and future don't exist.
7. Your calling in life is to fully express who you already are.
8. Challenges are gifts for your growth.
9. Happiness is choosing forgiveness over hurt.
**10. Surrender is the essence of a happy life.

**Those are my favorites

If you made it to the end of this blog, I salute you. This had absolutely nothing to do with food but it was all about me. So get over it. There'll be more food blogs to come, I'm sure. :)